New Life Plans Finally in some areas ...

coming to a conclusion ... and the next chapter begins ...

One of the delayed items put on hold, on arriving at seventeen years of age ... the usual learning to drive if so minded ... for our daughter ... 

One of her, our or my goals during our grief was not only picking up driving again from the start at this time ... and get to pass her driving tests ... and hopefully sooner than I did? It was decided, when I am ready, that she would sit in with me, when she is skilled enough herself,  to assist in regaining my confidence. I could then get back on track with my original goal of advanced driving, which I missed an opportunity, when hubby became ill ...

The sparkle in Life ...

I am on the outside apparently looking well to others ... It does help to have the sparkle a bit back in life, that makes it all worth it ... 

Visual impact all round in that case ... the fact a tiny bit of decor and what is around me is improving in what I actually like, is helping my well being ... And improving the simplicity around me too ... A life less complicated ...  in an increasingly frustrating world out of my inner sanctum 

Reversing the Trend ...

• The medical appointments ... on the agenda next is the Opticians ...
• My health 
• Skin/ infection ... apart from reappearing a tad at stressful moments
• Hair
• Weight
• Clothes 
• Shoes
• Washing
• Some household linens
• Freezer
• Newly acquired habits and obsessions
• Shopping habits
• Environments 
• Travelling 
• Routines
• Structures
• Social Skills
• Pattern of behaviour
• Paperwork
• Rooms to function as intended 

And of course the root cause for all of this ... the de-cluttering from a lost time ... from being lost in the care system ... etc etc etc 

Fears ...

we all have them ... however when they impact on a life leading to a death ... as it did with us. 

• The failure of a multi agency meeting in lack of communication continuity on as situation overwhelming for anyone not taken in the physical deterioration and pallor of hubby skin  ... 
• The continual lack of regard for continuity of care ... right into my care ... 
• I am the audience seeing and watching all the various performances around me .... it has been interesting, frustrating, and amusing at times 
• The impact and triggers ... the ripple effect ... 
• Not always fitting in society around me 
• The first in doing, tasting, seeing, experiencing post isolation ... is lost too ... 
• Post adjustments ... 
• And so much more ... 

The fears I now ...  are not understood entirely ...

The Most Difficult Challenge...

is moving on without bitterness ...

At least I am freshened up and dressed ... Keeping the all important fundamental structure of life to function ...  I have not eaten yet ... My body will kick in when it's ready ... You feel physically nauseous and I need to focus on the good things in life 

I did have a mid week roast in mind ... I have still not had it ... 

At least I feel less as though I have been in the boxing ring and a little more of myself as the day progresses ... A weekend of pampering my senses is on the cards ... I think .... 

In the early days

Of these nights ... I would have gone out up to our superstore ... Which is of an interesting time ... Walking along the aisles with pallets of stock dodging round each other ... It was a way of getting the shopping when there were less people and it was dark ... 

I now to travel again to this time thanks to the ripple effect of those who did not care