The switch off

in the room of toil and troubles currently... Tis captivating the mind elsewhere,  in this time. The end product will be the continuing luminous environment for better times here ... And eventually in hopes for there ... 

The swirls in is it working ... or going around in the cycle of ... the let go is the easier part. The swamp in overload out. 

The minuscule tasks in the tips many have given will eventually see the space appear. 

...The Secretive ..

life of hoarders ... 

I have chuckled as much as I have been exasperated with that lifestyle . The personal times living with one. The stuff hurled out of the car... The windows and doors. The fluttering of newspapers particularly across the pathway and garden. Other private moments so hysterical at times in all strands of that word ... that I might one day relay more of the secretive habits ... and how it impacted on life for others 

My daughter relayed this to a paternal family member etc as we cleared through the other home. I would be at a point and do this method to motivate into action.. 

It was probably not the best idea ... 

And that particular season of death gutted me, a trigger recently again stopped me bluntly in my tracks. This happens in sifting through the last in remnants of the mound in mess, that is very very slowly coming to its conclusion ....

A self pick me up

after a down spiral ...

a bit of alter in routine rest and food ... does not always hit the mark ... This is not entirely understood. Especially this far down from the traumatic crisis. Thankfully I have a contact in regular with an agency and a doctor I can go to ... 

For as much that

is supposedly brooded mulled over ... one does not always know my playful post trauma mode when it kicks in more times than others

That is not there in the pith of the inexplicable unexplained though ... 

Assistance beyond ...

the spring plans ... for removal of life to the North, for the items that matter. 

The A-Z accommodation in type plans and back up further along. 

The different phases along from now. 

It keeps it in check 

The conflicting moments from one to the next. The decisions made and to be kept. The preventable going around in circles. The repetition. The smell and triggers disturbed. And this time of day is not time to do. It is for rest. The throwback to that time. I detest the reminders. 

The wonder and the ...

where the mind will take me ... This a week of the monthly bi weekly budgets. The skim over to make sure everything is tickling along. Then back to it in the tidy up of all strands and areas in life and death ,.. 

The load in

codswallop no doubt. The supposed keep my number scenario again this week. The find among a better deal in the array of offers out there currently. We shall see. The minimal work in others to queries ... the silence eternally within of out look in out and where all abouts?  And what is everyone on these days !!!

Difficult Days Still to come ...

A very bumpy day particularly in the last

I took extra time out to cope. The slow start back in today. The pace in the settle. I hate the pacing and not settling. That is the time you can make a bad snap decision. It happens even when you are in celebration mode. 

It is a feeling I am not able to speak into words. Or utter at times.  

It is now with me, and I adept in adapt to those feelings in tow of life on me own. 

Adapting in the angst

... another dark start to the day ... the transition of BST to GMT nearer than ever, a excited daughter talking away via. the communications system ... pleased with the savings on the car insurance now two can drive the car. The offer on the table for me to drive it too on the next visit! I am still not ready to be behind the wheel yet! 

I am in for the settle of the young ones natural excitement. To others it is a normal environment for such emotions. For us the elation of belated times. The tinge of bittersweetness that the men in our lives not here to see the graduation, new home and now both driving The careers and proposed studies and the natural evolution of time moving on. 

Thy head in a whirl

nothing different in that ... The minuet of revitalised continues ... yes the death wish comes in its tsunami  .... It is shocking that so many of us who do ask for assistance ....!!!! ....  I will not go there ... 

The fact that so many do suffer and unfortunately once you take a split second that is it ... 

Today is merriment in one small stride in the many health requisite... I have treated myself for Steps taken recently again ...