IN my topsy

world finally managing a bathe ... 

One is going to throw some items in the shopping trolley ready, with what was last done befor the tide in ills physical came along ... see what this night entails and get out before I feel sleepy again ... 

The basics required to keep life afloat in the past sink 

Thy cycles

that like this to stop .., the length of time in reorganisation that once I could never be bothered with again. The strength in the muster to get to the personal destination. The area of inspired. The serenity in country coastal life. The flying down the trail. The hub bub of table top sales, and the loss of much will still be there .. the teams we make or not in how we nest and share responsibilities... in life vocation volenteer or interests 

I now track on in thy difference .. alone with the mantel of both shared and lone times ... and again alone in abundance now ... but never not ... 

The Midnight Oil

in silent toil ... a little bit of this and a little bit of planning ... a bit of tidying ... a lot of rest ... it is hard at times to take the edge off .... and even when not in therapy ... you get  ... 'and how does it make you feel?'... 

Had I bluntly retorted with rudeness and sullenness ... it would still have been misinterpreted as grief anger yet again ... the biggest lug in those early days ... all completely misconstrued... The story of this death of a deceased hubby ... the not deceased baggage of ruins in mess and disorder and chaos most thought acceptable to continue to live in despite no room and a pool of rot ... 

Befuddled mind

determined to find a way through this mind boggling environment... 

even a cousin not seen in recent; can see how more relaxed I can be ... out the area within ...

The stark truth beyond the brutally honest ... failings on learning failings 

That encumbered environment of another left behind and case closed autonomously automatically on passing ... 

Keeping on top

of functions is the most difficult ... I have no garden to tend ...tick ... I have no car to maintain.  tick ...  the next is to think around simplify the catch up dilemma ... still haunting this home ...? 

Over

thy head in murky waters ... like the giant wasp sting or fluffy bumble bee of sitting in the vibrate of a car while being mechanically washed waxed and dried ... This can be how life feels in the inner being of myself ...